Just Like Always
by AEM1
Summary: Hawkeye and BJ have problems adjusting to civilian life after returning to their homes from Korea. Oneshot. BJHawkeye friendship.


A/N: Next on the tour of the files on my dying computer that I'm uploading cause I feel like it (and I've been meaning to do it for ages). Another one shot written a few summers ago. For your reading and reviewing pleasure! Enjoy! Oh by the way, if anyone knows a way to divide sections, I'd appreciate knowing it cause all the ones I try are wiped out by Thanks!

Disclaimer: I, like everyone else on this site, don't own our beloved _MASH_ers. I do own a few random people that I mentioned in conversations during the story, but as they have no bearing on the plotline, they're not worth mentioning.

-AEM

Just Like Always

By: Andrea Mainella

Mill Valley, California 

Monday, August 10, 1953

6:00 PM

BJ Hunnicut came into his house one evening after work and, as usual, was greeted by his wife, Peg. The job was relatively new, as he had just returned from doctoring at a MASH unit in Korea two weeks ago.

"How was work?" Peg asked, after kissing him hello "Are you getting to know the people there? Do you like them?"

BJ shrugged his shoulders in an off-handed way "For the most part, they're insensitive jerks who have no idea what it's like to be in a war! I almost chewed out this one nurse today…"

"BJ…" Peg interrupted, in shock "You can't do that! It's not their fault they don't know what you went through. It's not their fault you were sent to Korea and they weren't!"

"Yeah, but it's their fault they don't even try to understand!" BJ fumed "There's only one person who understands and he's a million miles away!"

With that said, BJ left the living room, raging.

BJ stormed into his bedroom a minute later, taking his suit jacket and tie off and throwing them in the general direction of the chair and not really caring if they made it there or not. He stomped around the room, muttering to himself until a thought occurred to him. He sat down at his desk, put pen to paper and wrote:

'_Dear Hawkeye,_

_It's been two weeks since I got back and it still feels weird to be here. Every morning, I wake up and before I even open my eyes, I wonder 'Why does Charles have his arm around me?' Ha ha._

_Remember how mad I was when Radar came to visit Peg and Erin when we were still in Korea and he was on his way home and Erin called Radar 'Daddy'? Well, when they came to pick me up at the airport, Erin sees me and comes running up and yells at the top of her voice 'Daddy! Daddy! Erin miss Daddy!' I swear, Hawk, the feeling that I got when that happened will stay with me the rest of my life. So will the memories of that day. Peg was so happy to see me, she didn't let go of me until we got home, as if she was afraid I would go off again. God did I miss her and Erin..._

_Life in Mill Valley has gone on without me in my absence. It's exactly the way I remember it, but it's different. I'm different. I feel like I'm a spectator. Like I'm on the outside looking in. Looking in at all these people who have no idea half a world away people were getting killed for the last three years. People who have no idea what we went through. There was this girl-a nurse- in the break room when I was getting coffee today. She was complaining to her friend that yesterday, her day off, her power was off all day and how she couldn't use her hairdryer, watch her television or listen to music. She said she felt like she was roughing it. She doesn't even know the meaning of roughing it! We roughed it! Roughing it isn't going without electricity for a few hours, it's what we did! Living in tents the same material that our clothes were! Sleeping on cots that double for matzos on Jewish holy days! Eating food left over from World War II, and was left over then! I swear, Hawk, I felt like picking her up and shaking her and yelling at her all at once! Peg says I shouldn't. She says it's not their fault we were sent to Korea and they weren't, and she has a point, but it is their fault they don't try to understand. I've tried to tell a couple of people what it was like, but they don't listen. They just make some stupid joke or talk about what they would have done if they were there, but they weren't there and how do they know if they would have done what they say they would do if they were never in a war situation? God, I wish I could be naive as they are, Hawk, as I once was, but I can't. I can't be naïve as they are until I can get the pictures of the war that keep flooding my brain to go away. I can barely even remember what it was like to be that naïve. At least I wish I had someone to understand what I went through. Sure, Peggy's always ready to listen if I want to talk, but she doesn't understand because she never went through anything like it and I hope to God she will never have to. Sure, she went through the pain of having her husband so far from home and wondering if she will ever see him again, but it's not the same as having to live in those conditions and have to take shrapnel out of kids on top of it. There's only one person who understands what I went through…_

_I said before it's weird to be home and it is. I know I'm in Mill Valley, but for some reason, I keep expecting Klinger to pop up in one of those outrageous outfits of his. Or Margaret to start yelling at me for a practical joke we pulled together. Or you. Every time I turn a corner, I keep expecting to find you there offering me one of our lighter fluid martinis. You might think this weird, but I miss the still. Not drinking from it (though I've gotten used to having one by me while I write letters, so it's weird not having one now), just it being there, happily bubbling away. I'm so used to it being there, that on my first morning back, I looked to my left, debating whether I wanted one for 'breakfast' rather than go risk my life in the Mess and jumped bolt upright when the still wasn't there! Then Peg put her hand on my arm and asked me what I was doing. They say just like it takes a while to get used to being in a war, it takes some time to get used to being home from it. I hope I get used to it soon so I can lose the pain of watching young boys die, but I have a feeling it will take me a long time to lose that pain._

_Just thinking of the war makes me sick and I can't wait for the day I wake up and find I can think of it, think of the people there without being nauseous when I remember the reason why I was there. There's not one thing I miss about that hell! Except you. I miss you, Hawk. I haven't talked to you in so long, it's driving me crazy! It's so weird not having you around. It's only been two weeks since I've seen you, but it feels like two years! You gotta come down to Mill Valley soon. I can't wait for you to meet Peg and Erin and I can't wait for them to meet you. They'll just love you I know it! Well, I guess that's all I have to say. I've gotten so used to having you to confide my fears and annoyances in, I guess this is one of the only ways I can do that anymore. I hope to see you or at least talk to you real soon._

BJ' Crabapple Cove, Maine 

4 days later…

Hawkeye Pierce stormed into his house, taking off his suit jacket and tie and throwing them in the general direction of the couch and not really caring if they made it there or not. 

"Hawk? Hawk is that you?" his father called from the kitchen and soon, Daniel Pierce was standing in the doorway of the living room. He stood there as he watched his son stomp around the living room, staring at the floor morosely and kicking random pieces of furniture at random intervals. "Did you have a bad day at work?" Daniel asked his son. Hawkeye stopped stomping and looked up at his father.

"Oh you noticed," Hawkeye said lightly "and I was trying to hide it too" and resumed his stomping.

"Try harder" said Daniel, trying to hide a smile. His son's adult temper tantrums always struck him funny. It was probably because they were so much like the ones he had thrown as a child. "What happened?"

Hawkeye stopped stomping again "You want to know? You really want to know?"

"I'd like to know, son. If it's as bad as you're making it out to be, it might help to talk about it"

Hawkeye smiled a little, which surprised Daniel and sat down in a chair across the room before answering "Actually, it's not as bad as I'm making it out to be, but it's bothering me, and you're right, maybe it will help to get it off my chest. I was in the scrub room today with an old friend of mine, Randy Gibson, the one who got me my position at the hospital. We had just done some major surgery on this guy when the head of the hospital, David Randolph came in. The patient had had a Do Not Resuscitate order. We had known about it, but the patient changed his mind about it and told us to do the surgery. Randy and I tried to tell David that and he refused to believe us. He forced us to scrub out while he finished up the surgery. So we were in the scrub room, Randy and I. We were mad as hell and Randy says…you won't believe what he says…he says, and I quote, 'God, that David Randolph is insane! He doesn't even listen! Bastard thinks he's always right! I can't stand him! If I had a gun, I'd kill him I swear!' Something inside of me…snapped, Dad, I started yelling at him so loudly, David probably heard me in the OR. Randy's probably never seen me that angry. I've never seen me that angry. He's a doctor god-damn it and he thinks death is a casual thing! I've never met a doctor before who takes death lightly, well next to Frank Burns, of course, but Randy's actually a good doctor, so I think I should say I've never met a good doctor before who takes death lightly! Sure, it happens to the best of us, but believe you me, if he had been in Korea, he'd be singing a different tune! I told him that too"

"Hawk," said Daniel softly "You can't do that. You can't blame a guy for not knowing what it's like to be involved in a war if he's never been in one before. It's not Randy's fault you were drafted and he wasn't"

"You're right, Dad" said Hawkeye angrily "It's not Randy's fault I was the 'chosen one' from Crabapple Cove, but it is his fault that he doesn't try to understand! Sure, some people try to understand but they never will know what it's like to watch day after day children that look no older than 18 come in drenched in what looks like red paint, but it's not red paint. It's blood. But no matter how hard anyone tries, they can't understand as well as someone who was there to experience those feelings. There's only one person who understands and he's a million miles away!" Hawkeye pummeled a pillow angrily.

That reminded Daniel of something. He put his hand on an envelope that was lying on an end table next to him. "Hawk, a letter came for you today" he said "Return address says 'BJ Hunnicut, Mill Valley, California. That's your friend, BJ from Korea, right?"

Hawkeye looked up "BJ?"

"He's the one who always understands" Daniel said, knowingly.

Hawkeye's face broke into a huge grin "BJ!" he yelled. Hawkeye jumped up from the chair and grabbed the letter out of his father's hand.

Daniel smiled "I'll leave you to read your letter". He started to walk to the kitchen when his son called for him. Daniel turned around. His son was still grinning, this time at him

"Hey, Dad, thanks, this letter really made my day"

Daniel smiled "Don't thank me, I'm just the postman. Thank BJ. He's the one that sent you that letter." With that, he left the room.

Hawkeye sat down again on the chair and eagerly opened the envelope like a little boy opens presents at Christmas. He started to read the letter. By the time Hawkeye reached the end of the letter, he was grinning even more than he already had been. It was amazing that even a million miles away, BJ knew what was going with him and even appeared to be going through it himself. BJ was right, though. It was going to take them a long time to get over the pain that the war had caused them. There was only one consolation. At least neither of them would be going through it alone. And one day, they both would wake up and find all the bad memories of the war were just distant memories and all they would have left would be the few happy times they had had there and they would have a different kind of friendship because of it. They would still be best friends, but they wouldn't have to lean on each other as much as they had in Korea. But one thing would never change. No matter what happened, what they remembered or what they forgot, they would understand each other. Just like always.


End file.
